Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
did you just send me my own nude
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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