so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
