I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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