No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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