I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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