Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
