I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
