i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
