I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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