I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize