oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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