I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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