ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
