I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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