she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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