I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
