Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
