Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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