just tell him i said nine months
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
