one two three fourrrrnication!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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