Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.

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(305): View more from Florida

Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

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(250): View more from British Columbia

By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.

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(513): View more from Ohio

This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads

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(779): View more from Illinois

I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.

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(303): View more from Colorado

You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….

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(714): View more from California

after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit

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