You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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