I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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