Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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