this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
