Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I look better un-naked...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
