Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
