so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize