Swine flu. Run for my life!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
