Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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