omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
