Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
