so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
