The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
