Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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