I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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