OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
