please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize