I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
