dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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