Got a toothbrush?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
