hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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