so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
