ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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