Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize