You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
