Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
