WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
