i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
