i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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