so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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