Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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