I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
