I think my vagina is haunted
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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