You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My ass is underappreciated
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
