i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
