Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
