I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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