You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
