Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
