I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
