i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
