Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
