Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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