i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize