OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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