Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
