Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
