Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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