she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
