he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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