just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
